Oddities

Governor Jan Brewer Pardons Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin For Masturbating In Public

Sunday July 13th, 2014 03:56:44 AM Jimmy Rustling

Phoenix, AZ — Arizona Governor Jan Brewer announced her controversial decision today granting a full pardon to 35-year-old Phoenix resident Paul Horner, known to his thousands of followers as Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin. Horner made world news last month after his ironic arrest for public masturbation. “I did a lot of soul searching before making […]

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Christian Anti-Masturbation Group’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation

Tuesday July 1st, 2014 09:44:29 PM Jimmy Rustling

Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation organization was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The group recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation. Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, […]

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First Gay Marriage To Be Held At The White House

Tuesday June 17th, 2014 06:29:50 AM Jimmy Rustling

Washington, DC — In what is being dubbed as the “Wedding Of The Century”, openly-gay football star of the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam and his long-time boyfriend, Vito Cammisano, are to be married at the White House, with President Barack Obama overseeing the Muslim themed event. At a press conference on Saturday, Obama spoke […]

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Clay Aiken Shot In The Face

Saturday May 10th, 2014 03:00:55 PM Jimmy Rustling

New York City, NY — The Twittersphere is in a buzz with hashtags such as #AIKEN4EVER and #AIKENSHOTINFACE, after former “American Idol” star Clay Aiken was found dead with an apparent gun shot to the face. Police are ruling out suicide as the bullet entered through the glass window of Aiken’s New York City Penthouse. […]

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Westboro Baptist Church Suing Funeral Protesters Of Fred Phelps

Friday March 21st, 2014 05:43:08 PM Jimmy Rustling

“Any f*gs that wanna come out and protest my dad’s funeral better be ready for a lawsuit,” Fred Phelps‘s son, Timothy Phelps told CNN on Friday. The threat of a lawsuit comes two days after the death of the Westboro Baptist Church founder. Phelps’ son, confirmed to Kansas’ WIBW that Phelps died “before midnight” on […]

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Russia Awards Olympian 2nd Instead Of 1st Because He Is Gay

Tuesday February 11th, 2014 04:37:03 AM Jimmy Rustling

SOCHI, Russia – For about five seconds on Monday, Jan Smeekens was an Olympic champion, hero to a nation, and all that goes with it. Until, gut-wrenchingly, he wasn’t, just because of his sexuality. As Smeekens crossed the line at Adler Arena in the men’s 500-meter long-track speedskating and glanced up at the clock, it […]

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Russia Announces Gay Task Force To Patrol Winter Olympics

Wednesday January 29th, 2014 07:59:09 PM Jimmy Rustling

Sochi, Russia — The President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, is making headlines once again about his controversial stance concerning the gay community. This time Putin has announced a gay task force that will be patrolling the winter games in Sochi, Russia all of next month. Vladimir Putin told reporters, “It was not Adam and Steve, […]

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Drugs In Colorado: New Deadly Strain Of Marijuana Turning Users Gay

Monday January 20th, 2014 08:03:17 AM Jimmy Rustling

Denver, CO — Just when you thought the drug problem in Colorado could not get any worse, law enforcement officials are now reporting incidents of marijuana users turning gay. “We’ve never seen anything like this,” said Dr. Paul Horner of the Barrow Neurological Institute. “The drug users in Colorado are injecting a strain of marijuana […]

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Dogs Fed Dennis Rodman In Critical Condition After Poisoning

Tuesday January 7th, 2014 07:13:42 PM Jimmy Rustling

Pyongyang, North Korea — Fifty-four North Korean dogs were hospitalized in critical condition today after becoming violently ill. The hounds were found with unknown toxins in their blood that doctors say are a direct result from eating Dennis Rodman. At a press conference this afternoon, White House spokesman Paul Horner told reporters he does not […]

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12-Year-Old Divorces Parents Over Wrong Christmas Present

Tuesday December 31st, 2013 08:11:12 AM Jimmy Rustling

Phoenix, AZ — A 12-year-old girl successfully divorced her parents on Monday after receiving a Christmas present that was not on her wish list. Steve Middleton from Middleton and Associates who represented the girl, told reporters outside the Phoenix Municipal Court that he was pleased with the judges decision. “This was a clear case of […]

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